Alfa Mito preview at What Car? Magazine

En route to Cardiff

The Severn Bridge

Nick looks happy at our decision to decamp to the Essex theme bar next door for decent dessert

Charlie demonstrates binge drinking middle class style

The lamentable dessert menu

Nick and charles ponder the menu

Marcus with afro

Sonia and Angel

Kelster

Nick

Charlie

Where did it go

MINI2 South Downs Run 2008.

It's that time of year again, when the good folk of MINI2.com invade the South Downs for the annual run. Starting on Friday night at the Lakeside Holiday Park in Chichester, a crowd of MINI owners took over the campsite. There was even our own little gay community in the corner.

On Saturday, a convoy of around 30 MINIs - including several new Clubmans - blatted around the South Downs countryside, along twisty lanes and through quaintly named villages (my favourite was Cocking.)

In the evening organiser Lee and family and Jon cooked up vats of delicious Chilli and baked potatoes, and the evening was rounded off with a campfire around which stories were told which really cannot be repeated on a family blog such as this.

Once again, a great day out - thanks to Lee and all the MINI2 folk for making this weekend my highlight of the MINI motoring calendar.

Below are some pictures sent live via mobile blogging, so the timeline is back to front.

Hot Chilli Fiesta?

Interesting sign on the way back to London. I don't think this sign is referring to a new type of small Ford. The Chili Red Mini Cooper passing as I took this picture was a happy - and fitting - coincidence.

The sky over the South Downs

Somewhere over the rainbow

Sunset

The sun sets on the South Downs run 2008.

Dress to Impress

A MINI Cooper in its best outfit for the occasion

Lee likes it hot

Run organiser Lee serves up Jon's hot chilli. Thanks for a great weekend as ever Lee!

Clubmania

Plenty of new Clubmans in residence, and I took a drive in this Astro black example and it was as much fun as the hatch but with more space and those quirky doors. Hmmm, might have to rethink my new MINI plans...

As a row of tents

Spot the gay guys tent on the site

Mark has some quiche

Camp? Me?!

Back at base camp - shower and toilet facilities absolutely disgusting as usual. Maybe there is a gap in the market for a premium campsite - or maybe posh people just don't camp.

Lunch Stop

Medium rare burger with foccacia bread and gruyere cheese at The Cider House. Looks tasty, yes? Actually, it was all stone cold...

Our ride for the day

Jon's Cooper S Checkmate

Jon looks moody!

Quack Quack

Clubman

Cor look at the wheels on that!

Eh?

Ready for the off - but who came in a Porsche?!

Typical weather

A black cloud looms over Neils bonce.

The view

Outstanding natural beauty. And some hills too.

South downs run - Breakfast

What better way to start the South Downs run than with a delicious, organic, nutritious breakfast?

British Summer

Hampstead Heath: here we see a field full of people in hats and coats picking at picnics with freezing hands waiting for Rufus Wainright to come on stage. Call it British alfresco desperation...

Almediocre

Three times we've been to the Almeida restaurant in N1 and three times it has served up the same frustrating combination of exquisite food and shambolic service. My asparagus and crab starter and duck breast main were faultless. However, the first, second and third choices of wine off the list weren't available, my mocktail order was wrong twice and the bill was stuffed up. A heady dose of attitude from the head waiter about the entire situation meant that it was a case of three strikes and out.

Relatively successful

Album Review: Mariah Carey: E=MC2

After a return to sales domination with The Emancipation of Mimi, Mariah's back, seemingly with a vengeance as Mariah's acapella falsetto dissolves into the thoroughly banging hip hop beats of "Migrate", Sadly, it's the only convincing club track on the album, with Side Effects lacking effervescence and a truly excruciating attempt at Jamaican patois in the faux reggae of Cruise Control.

Mariah seems most comfortable when she's crooning slinky midtempo jams and modern R&B ballads-with-a-beat. Of the midtempos, the remarkable For The Record, with its sultry coos, backward string effects and effective use of her famous whistle notes is a stand-out, as is the almost retro I'm That Chick. The aimed-at-the-YouTube generation single "Touch My Body", suffers from girlish lyrics inappropriate for a woman of 40, while OOC and Thanx For Nothing will have you reaching for the skip button. This also applies to I'll Be Loving You Long time, which, insanely, is the next single.

Previous ballads We Belong Together and Don't Forget About Us were big hits for Mariah, so not wanting to stray from a winning formula, she duly brings us at least three ballads which contain elements of both these songs. The irresistible melody of I Stay In Love is the most successful, and Mariah finally acts her age on the world weary Love Story. But Mariah shows she still has an appetite for schmaltz with the gooey deserved flop single Bye Bye which uncomfortably combines lamenting lost loved ones with lashings of hip hop slang, and the ill advised and messy gospel of I Wish You Well sounds discordant and desperate.

On the upside, the famous voice sounds more agile and relaxed than any recording she's done in the last ten years, and melisima is kept to a minimum, even if big, wide belts of old are conspicuous by their absence. And it's refreshing that the album feels cohesive and not the multi-superproducer mess served up by some superstars with big album budgets. It's clear that between the few highs and the couple of clangers, the midtempo middle ground is where Mariah seems most comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that, but more quality control in both melody and production might help next time out.

Mini gives you Wings

Red Bull have turned the latest Mini into one of their promotional pick up trucks. If you need a lift, who needs Red Bull? A drive in a peppy Mini Cooper is just what the doctor ordered.

Tiger

This week the Sloth became an uncle to the small and perfectly formed Tiger. She takes after her mother in that she's been practicing her dance moves in the womb. She takes after her uncle in that she likes to eat and sleep a lot. Welcome Tiger and congratulations to her mum and dad!

Separated at Birth

On the left. the new Ferrari California. On the right, the Peugeot 207 CC.

Equality Inch by Ince

What I know about football can be summed up as "Jamie Redknapp is fit and wasn't his wife in Eternal?" However I was interested in the news this week that Paul Ince is the first British-born black football manager.

Does it matter? Yes. It matters because he's the first and that matters, even in 2008. And bearing in mind that 30% of football players are black it's a sad indictment of equality in British football behind the secenes.

On a debate about this on the radio, I heard some pundit say "maybe black people just like to play and aren't interested in management". Which fits in with the notion that black people are good at the physical side of things but no good at anything cerebral. Pretty shocking, really.

The upside to Eastern European immigration

Really cheap drive through car washes! Here's my Mini getting a nice wash.

DIY

My dad always says DIY stands for 'Don't Involve Yourself' or 'Draft In Youth'. Seriously, is there anything more depressing than spending valuable weekend sloth time trying to get a decaying property into something approaching a saleable condition?

Memories of Soller

Our recent trip to Majorca took in Palma - which except for the solidly gothic cathedral I can take or leave - and the rather more magical Port de Soller. Reached by a heritage rickety railway that winds through olive groves and lemon tree orchards, the symmetrical bay seems like it was created by the Gods for Majorcan postcard producers. Luxury yacht owners lent a hand by posing their craft in the bay at artistic angles. Icing the cake was our hotel, Esplendido, which served fine food, refreshing spa experiences and a fantastic view as the sun set behind the lighthouse-crowned rocks. A great destination for Sloths!

Angel's birthday at Claridge's

Angel's birthday celebrations weren't at Gordon Ramsey's as you can't get a table for love nor money. Still a delicious pea and ham salad followed by sea bass were pleasant enough though they hardly caused the tastebuds to ignite.

Mobile blogging

I've just received a new Sony Ericsson C902 mobile phone and it has a handy mobile blogging feature. So here is a nice picture of an object of beauty as a test.

What a beast!

MINI have updated their John Cooper Works page with a widget that lets you change the colour of the MINI John Cooper Works on the site. And here it is, in my chosen colour, Pepper White! What a beast! I am rather taken by the red brake callipers. Just need to find the funds now...

The Sloth's iTunes top 10

1: Mariah Carey featuring T-Pain: Migrate (album cut) - 59 plays
She's clearly off her trolley, but she can still come up with a killer uptempo number

2: Wynter Gordon - Surveillance - 34 plays
A surefire hit, but no sign of a release date. Shame

3: Rihanna - Don't Stop The Music - 28 plays
Barbados' finest now has four great singles back to back from one album. You go girl!

4: Janet Jackson - Feedback - 25 plays
Janet's transatlantic flop would have been a hit if Mariah had sung it

5: Cherish - Killa - 24 plays
A bit R&B by numbers but sometimes there's nothing wrong with that

6: Mariah Carey - For The Record (album cut) - 24 plays
slick midtempo jam with effective use of her dog-whistle notes

7: Scream - Timbaland - 19 plays
Not quite so clever now every R&B record sounds like Timbaland these days

8: Single Again - Trina - 19 plays
"Tha Baddest Bitch" is back with another fiesty rap lamenting the crapness of men

9: Love In This Club - Usher - 19 plays
A great lead single, nice shimmering electro bits

10: Low - Flo Rida - 18 plays
Technically rubbish, but also genius for the lyric "She turned around / and gave her big booty a slap!"

Disgusting

Last year, I read several articles in the right wing press about Lewis Hamilton and how his race didn't matter. "Actually he's mixed race" opined the Sun.

Well race certainly mattered last week when Hamilton was subjected to racist abuse from Spanish Formula 1 fans in Barcelona last week. Several members of the crowd appeared in black face and wigs, dressed in T-shirts with the words "Lewis Hamilton's Family" scrawled on them, chanting racial abuse.

For Hamilton it's not the first time that racism has reigned in Spain. Last October, its top racing official Carlos Gracia said that it was ironic that "racist" England is "having to rely on a colored pilot.”

As Lewis has found out racism isn't about the percentage of black blood you have but rather people's perception of you. And as Lewis can't pass for white, as far as the racists of Spain are concerned, he's black.

Until we no longer have to celebrate "the first black person" in any field, then we should continue to recognize those black people who still, sadly, have to break down barriers, even in this day and age.

And when I say black, I am talk about black in the political, not cultural sense. Whether these groundbreakers have one black parent or two matters not.

Formula One's governing body the FIA has threatened that the Spanish Grand Prix will be cancelled if the incident is repeated. Let's hope it isn't.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Our local McDonalds has been given a makeover. Gone is the bright red and yellow plastic and instead there are subdued greens, mood lighting and "lounging areas". Which begs the question, who wants to lounge in a McDonalds?

Sure enough, the clientele of hoodies, drunks and middle class mums desperate for the toilet doesn't seem to have changed.

McDonalds should stick to its core market of a cheap, quick, fix to fill a need followed by feelings of self-loathing and guilt. In other words, it should feel like visiting a prostitute.

What's next, organic free range chicken at KFC?

What's on my iPod this week

Missy Elliott is back with a new single, Ching Ching, which is about how much money she makes. personally I'm bored senseless with rappers droning on about their cribs and their Bentleys. The song sounds rather like her previous hit Work It, it has a 3D video which looks very shoddy on youtube if you don't have your 3D specs to hand, and in further evidence that she's run out of ideas, she's started a competition for fans to name her album.


It's Wynter time! Wynter Gordon time that is. She's put together a track called Surveillance which steals great swathes of Rihanna's Umbrella (the "eh eh eh" bits) marries it with the beat from Timbaland's The Way I Are. Should be an awkward and desperate pastiche, but instead sounds awesome.


Meanwhile, Leona Lewis is ready to conquer America with a re-shoot of the Bleeding Love video in New York's Times Square. The new video is dull dull dull, but it certainly screams "Accept Me America!" Meanwhile eye-popping ballad Footprints In The Sand is the next UK single, as it sounds like mid-90s Mariah it will be ignored by radio stations, so they've released the plodding Better In Time as a double A side in an attempt to keep radio programmers happy. Release Take A Bow you fools!

Here's Leona meeting Whitney at the pre-Grammy party. The short bald geezer is Clive Davis of J records, who is steering Leona's US assault and Whitney's comeback, which has been mooted for aeons.

Chinese produce MINI knock off!

The Chinese motor industry is renowned for its flagrant disregard for intellectual propoerty legislation, so much so that the industry will surely have copied every conceivable European and US model before the decade is out.

So it's no surprise that a ropey knock off of the MINI has emerged. Known as the Lifan 3-series (even the name is stolen from BMW!) the resultant mutant has deformed proportions which make it looks like the offspring of a MINI and a London Taxi. However the chrome grille, contrast roof, rear lights and even the wheels are all dead ringers for the first generation MINI Cooper S.

The Lifan is likely to cost a good deal less than the MINI, but don't expect interior plastics above Fisher-Price levels and under no circumstances should you crash it, given the appalling record of Chinese cars in crash tests.

But before BMW call in the lawyers, they might like to note that the Lifan's 5-door rear end actually doesn't look too bad, and (whisper it) looks more sensible than the weird arrangements on the Clubman.

Mark my words, the Chinese car industry in a decade or so will be no laughing matter. But in the meantime, be astounded at the sheer audacity of more Chinese knock-offs here.